So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
