They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I could fuck to npr.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
