And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
