Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
