There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
