I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
