Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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