Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
