I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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