sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
