I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
