I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
