so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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