I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
