was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
