somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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