you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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