I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
