I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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