his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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