she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
tell me about the fingering
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
