i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
