I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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