Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
