did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
