So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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