dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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