I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
