I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
