either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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