1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
