Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
