this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
