There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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