Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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