why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Your cock deserves a montage
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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