I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
