NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
