but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
