If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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