Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
