i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
