a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
