I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
please come you make the beer taste better
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
