people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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