Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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