NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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