And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
