Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
