I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
