Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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