Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
