dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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