I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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