he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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