the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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