Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
