I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
