The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize