If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
