OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
