She is in my trunk
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
