ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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