my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i think i have herpe
just one?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
