walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
